Nina Ross, PhD

In a recent sand tray I did, the dominant figure was that of a child about 4 or 5. She was gigantic compared to the other pieces, which I didn’t notice at the time. Later, after a conversation with a friend about always trying to be the good girl, I realized that I rarely tried to be the good girl. It wasn’t that I wanted to be bad but I wasn’t willing to behave in ways contrary to my own knowing just to fit into other people’s ideas of how I should be. I had a very strong sense of my own self-hood from the time I was quite young. The adults around me didn’t know what to do with this strong little spirit so they just kept trying to make her fit in. Then I realized that the ‘big’ little girl in the sand tray was the screaming child that has been living inside of me for as long as I can remember. I have tried everything to comfort her and quiet her down but nothing would make her stop screaming. The next realization was that she just wanted to be seen for the strong, independent spirit that she was/is. Once I acknowledged the little girl she stopped screaming. She sniffled, nodded her head, and began to fade – just slightly. I felt as though we were integrating and that she was becoming more a part of me. She has not completely disappeared but she has stopped screaming – she’s not even sniffling. She’s actually smiling.